Ministry After an Unsuccessful Call, Part 3

If you feel your call to ministry is affirmed by God even after an unsuccessful call, it is still important to reflect upon what happened and what lessons can be drawn from the negative experience. For me, as I sank deeper into the morass of my last call (but before I resigned/was fired), I came to realize that dealing with conflict was one of my biggest weaknesses. I don't like conflict and prefer to wait it out by ignoring it. I especially hate it if I am part of the conflict in some way. But hating it doesn't make it go away. Conflict is inevitable in relationships, including the pastoral relationship. Many churches are in conflict today for a variety of reasons.

So, I will strive for opportunities to learn about ministering to congregations that experience conflict. I don't perceive a lot of conflict in my current call, but appropriate continuing education (such as interim pastor training, which many experienced pastors have recommended to me as being helpful in installed positions, as well) can still strengthen me as a pastor to this congregation and, by God's grace, in all areas of ministry and life.

Having said that, I want to make an important distinction. While my experience at my last call pointed to my need for growth in the area of dealing with conflict (or, even better, transcending conflict), I do not believe that my call would have succeeded even with that extra preparation. Something very disturbing to me was that after I had taken some helpful continuing education (basically career counseling and discernment), and when things seemed to be getting better at the church (rising worship attendance; more involvement by families with young children in the life of the church; even a stabilizing financial situation), THAT is when the boom came down on me. I think the accouncement that we were expecting our third child had something to do with that as well.

Sometimes, my friends, you can try to improve your ministry skills until the cows come home, but if you do not have a congregation that is willing to consider how THEY can change and grow, it really won't matter. And as far as I am concerned, that is part of what happened in my last call. Knowing when to shake the dust from your feet while still acknowledging your own shortcomings is an important skill in ministry.

Ministry After An Unsuccessful Call: Part 2

Now I want to write about how one deals with his or her internal life after an unsuccessful call. If there was a blessing in what happened in my case, it was having some time out of the pulpit and church office, so I could try to process what happened, how I felt and what it all meant.

I think it is inevitable that a pastor in that situation would be dealing with a lot of different feelings: anger, resentment, self-reproach, relief, fear and hope. I am sure there are others. I know I was relieved to be gone from the church I had served because of the emotional toll of the last few months. But I was also angry at a number of people in the church for what I saw as their failures as Christian disciples. I also was angry at myself for what I saw as my failures as a Christian leader. I looked forward with some hope to a new start. But I also feared that in the ugly job climate (high general unemployment and over four candidates for each open pastoral vacancy in the PC(USA)), a pastor with my record would perhaps never receive a call, or at least not one in which I could support my family.

And there was the awful possibility lurking in my mind that I should not be a pastor, obviously I am not cut out for it. Leaving a call on bad terms should prompt some self-reflection.

Taking time in prayer helps. So does talking with trusted friends and colleagues. Talking professionally with someone can help as well. The key is to discern whether you still feel God's call on your life to be a pastor. Over time, I was able to affirm that in my heart. I guess it is because I continue to care about many of the people I've ministered to, I because God has not released me from the call to preach the Gospel. I will confess I have sometimes wished God had called me to do something else, like being a park ranger or something!