Life in the wilderness is a recurring Biblical theme, from the Exodus to Jesus' 40 days of temptation. The wilderness is not an easy place to be. But it is sometimes a necessary place to be. Being without a call, and feeling isolated from church life, represents my own time in the wilderness. I wish I was not in the wilderness. The wilderness is a dry and forbidding place sometimes. But here I am, and here I need to deal with it. It is my hope that this time in the wilderness will not last much longer, and that the "Promised Land" of a new call and a feeling of usefulness to others lies just ahead.
What keeps me going, through this period of unemployment and underemployment (part time work at $8 an hour), is the sense that God has placed a call on my heart to be a pastor, which has not been removed in spite of a troubled last call. Ultimately, the sense of call is something deeply individual, and while the actions of a congregation or a Presbytery may impacy upon that, it is still God alone who guides my sense of call and my conscience. And the sense of call is still there. Thank God for that.
Update: and there IS life in the wilderness. Despite the problems of my last call, I have been blessed by many expressions of interest from prospective church employers. I have been as honest as possible about the circumstances of my last call, and while a few churches did withdraw from contact after my last call ended, in general I have felt a real level of acceptance and appreciation for being honest and humble enough to admit mistakes and seek improvement. Maybe that's one of the great lessons of being in the wilderness.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Why I Disappeared
I started up this blog and posted for awhile and then stopped in early November. It has been a busy time. Our third child, Laura Elizabeth, was born on November 15. She is a lovely baby full of smiles and fun (she is also an extraordinarily voracious nurser!). Having a third child after losing one's job is a challenge, but it was softened at least by the severance I was able to negotiate from my former congregation.
Right now my family and I are close to a decision on relocating. It will be too bad to have to leave Erie, but you have to go where the opportunities are. For whatever reason, even part time, temporary church work opportunities have not opened up for me in this area.
This has been a time of reflection and hopefully renewal. I have come to understand a few things about church work and life, namely that there are three major parties to any ministerial relationship. There is of course the pastor; there is the congregation; and there is the Presbytery. The pastoral relationship will succeed when all three parties strive to follow God's Word and will ... which means being ready to self-reflect and improve in areas that need growth. In my opinion, I made many mistakes as pastor of my last call, but my conscience is clear in that I tried to minister to congregants and staff members with love and respect. And, I tried to improve areas that needed improvement. The other parties in the relationship (congregational leadership and Presbytery) will need to discern how they handled aspects of this relationship.
In any case, my ministry at my former church ended rather badly, although I felt blessed by the many people there who did support and love my family and me. Indeed (and this is another aspect of understanding church life), I think a majority of people were and are good, kindly people who wanted the best and tried sincerely to follow Jesus Christ. But from my perspective, the "Silent Majority" (Godly Majority?) did not set the tone of the church. Why is that? I think my biggest regret is that I could not surmount the long-standing conflicts caused by just a small number of people. Instead of mastering the conflict, I was mastered by the conflict.
But God willing, this is not the end of my ministry as a whole.
Right now my family and I are close to a decision on relocating. It will be too bad to have to leave Erie, but you have to go where the opportunities are. For whatever reason, even part time, temporary church work opportunities have not opened up for me in this area.
This has been a time of reflection and hopefully renewal. I have come to understand a few things about church work and life, namely that there are three major parties to any ministerial relationship. There is of course the pastor; there is the congregation; and there is the Presbytery. The pastoral relationship will succeed when all three parties strive to follow God's Word and will ... which means being ready to self-reflect and improve in areas that need growth. In my opinion, I made many mistakes as pastor of my last call, but my conscience is clear in that I tried to minister to congregants and staff members with love and respect. And, I tried to improve areas that needed improvement. The other parties in the relationship (congregational leadership and Presbytery) will need to discern how they handled aspects of this relationship.
In any case, my ministry at my former church ended rather badly, although I felt blessed by the many people there who did support and love my family and me. Indeed (and this is another aspect of understanding church life), I think a majority of people were and are good, kindly people who wanted the best and tried sincerely to follow Jesus Christ. But from my perspective, the "Silent Majority" (Godly Majority?) did not set the tone of the church. Why is that? I think my biggest regret is that I could not surmount the long-standing conflicts caused by just a small number of people. Instead of mastering the conflict, I was mastered by the conflict.
But God willing, this is not the end of my ministry as a whole.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
A Prayer for our Nation on this Election Day
(from the Episcopal Book of Common Prayer, Traditional Collects)
17. For the Nation
Lord God Almighty, who hast made all the peoples of the earth
for thy glory, to serve you in freedom and in peace: Give to
the people of our country a zeal for justice and the strength
of forbearance, that we may use our liberty in accordance
with thy gracious will; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who
liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Spirit, one God,
for ever and ever. Amen.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Spurgeon's Morning Meditation for October 29
Matthew 6:9
This prayer begins where all true prayer must commence, with the spirit of adoption, “Our Father.” There is no acceptable prayer until we can say, “I will arise, and go unto my Father.” This child-like spirit soon perceives the grandeur of the Father “in heaven,” and ascends to devout adoration, “Hallowed be thy name.” The child lisping, “Abba, Father,” grows into the cherub crying, “Holy, Holy, Holy.” There is but a step from rapturous worship to the glowing missionary spirit, which is a sure outgrowth of filial love and reverent adoration—“Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Next follows the heartfelt expression of dependence upon God—“Give us this day our daily bread.” Being further illuminated by the Spirit, he discovers that he is not only dependent, but sinful, hence he entreats for mercy, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors:” and being pardoned, having the righteousness of Christ imputed, and knowing his acceptance with God, he humbly supplicates for holy perseverance, “Lead us not into temptation.” The man who is really forgiven, is anxious not to offend again; the possession of justification leads to an anxious desire for sanctification. “Forgive us our debts,” that is justification; “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil,” that is sanctification in its negative and positive forms. As the result of all this, there follows a triumphant ascription of praise, “Thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and ever, Amen.” We rejoice that our King reigns in providence and shall reign in grace, from the river even to the ends of the earth, and of his dominion there shall be no end. Thus from a sense of adoption, up to fellowship with our reigning Lord, this short model of prayer conducts the soul. Lord, teach us thus to pray.
This prayer begins where all true prayer must commence, with the spirit of adoption, “Our Father.” There is no acceptable prayer until we can say, “I will arise, and go unto my Father.” This child-like spirit soon perceives the grandeur of the Father “in heaven,” and ascends to devout adoration, “Hallowed be thy name.” The child lisping, “Abba, Father,” grows into the cherub crying, “Holy, Holy, Holy.” There is but a step from rapturous worship to the glowing missionary spirit, which is a sure outgrowth of filial love and reverent adoration—“Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Next follows the heartfelt expression of dependence upon God—“Give us this day our daily bread.” Being further illuminated by the Spirit, he discovers that he is not only dependent, but sinful, hence he entreats for mercy, “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors:” and being pardoned, having the righteousness of Christ imputed, and knowing his acceptance with God, he humbly supplicates for holy perseverance, “Lead us not into temptation.” The man who is really forgiven, is anxious not to offend again; the possession of justification leads to an anxious desire for sanctification. “Forgive us our debts,” that is justification; “Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil,” that is sanctification in its negative and positive forms. As the result of all this, there follows a triumphant ascription of praise, “Thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and ever, Amen.” We rejoice that our King reigns in providence and shall reign in grace, from the river even to the ends of the earth, and of his dominion there shall be no end. Thus from a sense of adoption, up to fellowship with our reigning Lord, this short model of prayer conducts the soul. Lord, teach us thus to pray.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Calvin on the Knowledge of God, Part Six
In Chapter 13, Book One of the Institutes of the Christian Religion, Calvin writes at great length of what the Scriptures teach us about who God truly is. This is important because we can only worship God what we truly know him. And so this brings us, inevitably, to the Trinity as revealed in the Scriptures:
But there is another special mark by which he designates himself, for the purpose of giving a more intimate knowledge of his nature. While he proclaims his unity, he distinctly sets it before us as existing in three persons. These we must hold, unless the bare and empty name of Deity merely is to flutter in our brain without any genuine knowledge. Moreover, lest any one should dream of a threefold God, or think that the simple essence is divided by the three Persons, we must here seek a brief and easy definition which may effectually guard us from error.
As I wrote, Calvin writes at great length about this. I have attempted to find one paragraph that may do justice to his words. It is not easy. Calvin is not a sound byte theologian. His arguments are exhaustively detailed. They must be dealt with in order. Calvin builds them step by step. I say this because, based on my reading of Calvin thus far, the only way one can enlist him in the claim that Christians, Jews and Muslims worship "the One God" is to use soundbytes ... a few words taken out of context. But a more careful (and dare I say honest) reading of Calvin reveals that he was not an early spokesman for pluralism.
But there is another special mark by which he designates himself, for the purpose of giving a more intimate knowledge of his nature. While he proclaims his unity, he distinctly sets it before us as existing in three persons. These we must hold, unless the bare and empty name of Deity merely is to flutter in our brain without any genuine knowledge. Moreover, lest any one should dream of a threefold God, or think that the simple essence is divided by the three Persons, we must here seek a brief and easy definition which may effectually guard us from error.
As I wrote, Calvin writes at great length about this. I have attempted to find one paragraph that may do justice to his words. It is not easy. Calvin is not a sound byte theologian. His arguments are exhaustively detailed. They must be dealt with in order. Calvin builds them step by step. I say this because, based on my reading of Calvin thus far, the only way one can enlist him in the claim that Christians, Jews and Muslims worship "the One God" is to use soundbytes ... a few words taken out of context. But a more careful (and dare I say honest) reading of Calvin reveals that he was not an early spokesman for pluralism.
Spurgeon's Morning Meditation for October 28
“I have chosen you out of the world.”
John 15:19
Here is distinguishing grace and discriminating regard; for some are made the special objects of divine affection. Do not be afraid to dwell upon this high doctrine of election. When your mind is most heavy and depressed, you will find it to be a bottle of richest cordial. Those who doubt the doctrines of grace, or who cast them into the shade, miss the richest clusters of Eshcol; they lose the wines on the lees well refined, the fat things full of marrow. There is no balm in Gilead comparable to it. If the honey in Jonathan’s wood when but touched enlightened the eyes, this is honey which will enlighten your heart to love and learn the mysteries of the kingdom of God. Eat, and fear not a surfeit; live upon this choice dainty, and fear not that it will be too delicate a diet. Meat from the King’s table will hurt none of his courtiers. Desire to have your mind enlarged, that you may comprehend more and more the eternal, everlasting, discriminating love of God. When you have mounted as high as election, tarry on its sister mount, the covenant of grace. Covenant engagements are the munitions of stupendous rock behind which we lie entrenched; covenant engagements with the surety, Christ Jesus, are the quiet resting-places of trembling spirits.
“His oath, his covenant, his blood,
Support me in the raging flood;
When every earthly prop gives way,
This still is all my strength and stay.”
If Jesus undertook to bring me to glory, and if the Father promised that he would give me to the Son to be a part of the infinite reward of the travail of his soul; then, my soul, till God himself shall be unfaithful, till Jesus shall cease to be the truth, thou art safe. When David danced before the ark, he told Michal that election made him do so. Come, my soul, exult before the God of grace and leap for joy of heart.
John 15:19
Here is distinguishing grace and discriminating regard; for some are made the special objects of divine affection. Do not be afraid to dwell upon this high doctrine of election. When your mind is most heavy and depressed, you will find it to be a bottle of richest cordial. Those who doubt the doctrines of grace, or who cast them into the shade, miss the richest clusters of Eshcol; they lose the wines on the lees well refined, the fat things full of marrow. There is no balm in Gilead comparable to it. If the honey in Jonathan’s wood when but touched enlightened the eyes, this is honey which will enlighten your heart to love and learn the mysteries of the kingdom of God. Eat, and fear not a surfeit; live upon this choice dainty, and fear not that it will be too delicate a diet. Meat from the King’s table will hurt none of his courtiers. Desire to have your mind enlarged, that you may comprehend more and more the eternal, everlasting, discriminating love of God. When you have mounted as high as election, tarry on its sister mount, the covenant of grace. Covenant engagements are the munitions of stupendous rock behind which we lie entrenched; covenant engagements with the surety, Christ Jesus, are the quiet resting-places of trembling spirits.
“His oath, his covenant, his blood,
Support me in the raging flood;
When every earthly prop gives way,
This still is all my strength and stay.”
If Jesus undertook to bring me to glory, and if the Father promised that he would give me to the Son to be a part of the infinite reward of the travail of his soul; then, my soul, till God himself shall be unfaithful, till Jesus shall cease to be the truth, thou art safe. When David danced before the ark, he told Michal that election made him do so. Come, my soul, exult before the God of grace and leap for joy of heart.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Spurgeon's Morning Meditation for October 27
“It is a faithful saying.”
2 Timothy 2:11
Paul has four of these “faithful sayings.” The first occurs in 1 Timothy 1:15, “This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners.” The next is in 1 Timothy 4:6, “Godliness is profitable unto all things, having the promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come. This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation.” The third is in 2 Timothy 2:12, “It is a faithful saying—If we suffer with him we shall also reign with him”; and the fourth is in Titus 3:3, “This is a faithful saying, that they which have believed in God might be careful to maintain good works.” We may trace a connection between these faithful sayings. The first one lays the foundation of our eternal salvation in the free grace of God, as shown to us in the mission of the great Redeemer. The next affirms the double blessedness which we obtain through this salvation—the blessings of the upper and nether springs—of time and of eternity. The third shows one of the duties to which the chosen people are called; we are ordained to suffer for Christ with the promise that “if we suffer, we shall also reign with him.” The last sets forth the active form of Christian service, bidding us diligently to maintain good works. Thus we have the root of salvation in free grace; next, the privileges of that salvation in the life which now is, and in that which is to come; and we have also the two great branches of suffering with Christ and serving with Christ, loaded with the fruits of the Spirit. Treasure up these faithful sayings. Let them be the guides of our life, our comfort, and our instruction. The apostle of the Gentiles proved them to be faithful, they are faithful still, not one word shall fall to the ground; they are worthy of all acceptation, let us accept them now, and prove their faithfulness. Let these four faithful sayings be written on the four corners of my house.
2 Timothy 2:11
Paul has four of these “faithful sayings.” The first occurs in 1 Timothy 1:15, “This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners.” The next is in 1 Timothy 4:6, “Godliness is profitable unto all things, having the promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come. This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation.” The third is in 2 Timothy 2:12, “It is a faithful saying—If we suffer with him we shall also reign with him”; and the fourth is in Titus 3:3, “This is a faithful saying, that they which have believed in God might be careful to maintain good works.” We may trace a connection between these faithful sayings. The first one lays the foundation of our eternal salvation in the free grace of God, as shown to us in the mission of the great Redeemer. The next affirms the double blessedness which we obtain through this salvation—the blessings of the upper and nether springs—of time and of eternity. The third shows one of the duties to which the chosen people are called; we are ordained to suffer for Christ with the promise that “if we suffer, we shall also reign with him.” The last sets forth the active form of Christian service, bidding us diligently to maintain good works. Thus we have the root of salvation in free grace; next, the privileges of that salvation in the life which now is, and in that which is to come; and we have also the two great branches of suffering with Christ and serving with Christ, loaded with the fruits of the Spirit. Treasure up these faithful sayings. Let them be the guides of our life, our comfort, and our instruction. The apostle of the Gentiles proved them to be faithful, they are faithful still, not one word shall fall to the ground; they are worthy of all acceptation, let us accept them now, and prove their faithfulness. Let these four faithful sayings be written on the four corners of my house.
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